if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
