Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
