yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
