Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
