do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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