Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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