Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
false alarm. still invincible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
