You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
