Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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