Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
