I will die if light touches me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
