and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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