Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
