I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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