and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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