guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone signed my nipple.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
