To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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