I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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