Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
