My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
