we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
