my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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