Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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