You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
