Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
