When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
