just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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