my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
