And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
