omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
