I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
