You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
