that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
