He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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