I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
