Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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