1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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