I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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