I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
