R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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