OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
