You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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