I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
