Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
