she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
