he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
