i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
