I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
