everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
