Sry I called you an 8
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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