Will you blow on my dice?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
