He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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