i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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