shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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